Sam Alberry is a Christian with a unique perspective. He admits that he is same sex attracted, but yet he stands resolutely opposed to fulfilling those attractions. He answers the question of his book title with a negative. Sam is certain that God is not anti-anyone, but if so, then why must he deny himself?
Gay is not who I am — He believes It is unhealthy for sexual preference to be the fundamental identifier of a human. This is why Sam prefers the term “same sex attracted” over the term gay. Just like it would be off to lock someone into the identity of carnivore simply because they like to eat a steak on occasion so to would it be inappropriate to lock someone into a sexual identity. A human is far more than what his natural appetites might be. To build an identity off of this one part of humanity is unfair to the human.
Sex outside of marriage is a bad idea — He believes that sex was intended to be so much more than casual. In a way, sex is like a post-it note. The first time you use it, it sticks well, but when it is reapplied too many times, it loses its capacity to stick to anything. We are simply not designed for multiple sexual relationships. Sex becomes less relational, more functional and less satisfying as a result. Sex is designed to irreversibly knit two people together. When it’s used for anything other than this, despite what the sitcoms preach, there is emptiness, brokenness and devastation.
Marriage needs both genders — He is also convinced that marriage is rooted in gender. It’s the great reunion. God made Eve from Adam, and then in a brilliant stroke, He puts them back together permanently through the sexual union that comes with marriage. Marriage according to God, says Sam, can only be the reunion of these two genders.
Let’s just be friends — According to Sam, a common problem among SSA people, including himself, is what he calls “friendship heroin.” Sam’s tendency, is to develop an unhealthy emotional dependancy on another person. If he is not careful he can get “high” on the affirmation of this friend which can easily result in intense but unhealthy longings. According to Sam, simply knowing this and being able to work through the dangers of “friendship heroin” together, and not “freaking out” is very helpful for people with SSA that really just want regular friendships, not the unhealthy addictive versions.
The Bible is clear — Sam has been told innumerable times that the Old Testament has lots of rules that the modern Christian doesn’t adhere to, so why can’t homosexuality just be one of those now irrelevant rules? Sam’s answer: Jewish civic law and Jewish temple law have been fulfilled in Christ. Those rules don’t apply anymore. However, moral law finds itself restated in the New Testament — specifically covering this particular area. If one wishes to give in to SSA and live in a lifestyle that allows for the fulfillment of those longings, he will have to do it, in opposition to what the Scripture says, something Sam is not willing to do. To quote him directly: “Life is far, far better when Jesus is at the centre, and far, far worse when anyone or anything else is.” because of this belief he is willing to deny himself, take up his cross, and follow Jesus. Which is actually the calling of all Christians.
I applaud Sam’s tremendous courage to speak out. I am certain that homophobes on one side of him will criticize him unmercifully for his admission to SSA, surely he can’t be a Christian, they will say. On the other side, religiphobes will take shots at him, incredulous as to how he could possibly deny his sexuality for the sake of what they are certain is out dated and inaccurate dogma.
Click below to watch a short video of Sam explaining his unique position.